April 18, 2017
I love getting stuff in the mail! (Ya know, aside from bills.) I love handwritten letters and greeting cards and packages of exciting things I ordered.
But yesterday, I opened my mail, and my heart sunk. The cane I’d ordered had arrived.
I’m in the process of being diagnosed with a vestibular disorder. This disorder affects my balance, along with many other things.
Vestibular disorders cause overwhelming dizziness, vertigo, and other symptoms that can’t be seen, and are difficult for others to understand. Diagnosis and treatment are not always straightforward for vestibular disorders. Vestibular disorders can affect a person in many ways and are often unpredictable… – [source]
People with vestibular disorders can suffer cognitive impacts, such as poor concentration, memory, and word recall; difficulty reading while tracking printed text; and impaired mental stamina. – [source]
A couple weeks ago, I resigned myself to the fact that I may need a cane to help keep me upright. I was sooo very not thrilled about this!
I am only 24 years old. I should not have to use a cane! UGH!
But I did some research and found stories of other young people who use a cane, and I felt better about it.
I can get a cute design – or better yet! – I can put faeries on it!
And I found people who said they have canes that they don’t necessarily use but keep with them kind of like a security blanket. If they need it, it’s there.
So I ordered an inexpensive collapsible cane from Amazon. I didn’t want to go all-out on this thing, cuz I hope I won’t really need to use it!
But then it came in the mail. As I opened the package and put the cane together, my spirits totally sank.
Something about actually owning and holding the cane hit me right in the heart…and gut.
I feel like an 80 year old woman. This sucks!
I let myself experience the emotions – all of the sadness, anger, betrayal (by my body). It’s important to let myself grieve over this life challenge.
But today, I’m making the best of it. Turning lemons into lemonade – as my mom would say.
If I have to use a cane so I don’t fall down, I’ll do it. At least I can walk!
And this cane is gonna be bad-ass! I’m going to decorate it to look like a faery wand – and hell, I’ll call it just that – my faery wand!
Moral of the story…
Life can suck sometimes. That’s when we have to remind ourselves that there’s still magic out there.
We just have to look for it. If we can’t see it, we have to create it.
Make your magic. Feed your whimsy.
Even when shit gets real.
Update: Here’s what my faery wand looks like now! 😉